In January of 2015 we again started testing to see what we needed to do to get pregnant again. We waited until the new year so that we would have the full amount in our ‘Flex Spending account to help pay for the testing and procedures. We did two IUI procedures with my OB to save us money before going to the Infertility doctor. My insurance only covers diagnostic treatments. Each of the IUI’s costed $1,000 a piece, we were able to use our Flex Spending account to pay for these procedures. These two IUI’s didn’t work, therefore we went to the Houston Fertility Institute in Texas.
We went and talked to the fertility doctor and he recommended not doing anymore IUI’s since the medication and 2 IUI’s haven’t worked yet. He told us about an IVF study being done here in Texas and thought we would be accepted into the study. We started all the testing and blood work needed to get into the study. Our insurance paid for all the blood work and diagnostic tests. We were accepted into the IVF study. It was a blessing we got into the study because the IVF study would only cost us $3,500 out of pocket with them providing all the drugs we needed. We had someone loan us the money to go ahead with the IVF study. On the day of the follicle retrieval and we were able to get about 18 eggs. After the egg retrieval, the 18 eggs were taken to try and make embryos. Of the 18 eggs and 15 fertilized, only 3 successfully became viable embryos. As part of the study every embryo went through genetic testing. Of those 3 viable embryos, two came back as normal male embryos. The 3rd embryo tested as inconclusive, which meant the embryo was most likely fine, but the testing itself failed. Though we had 3 viable embryos, the study only allowed for 1 to be transferred so the other 2 were preserved for later. With the transfer complete now all we could do is wait the two weeks to find out. While we waited the two weeks I kept on taking all the medication. Unfortunately, before the two weeks were up I was pregnant but I started to bleed. I hoped that the bleeding was just normal and continued to hope I was still pregnant. I really knew that I wasn’t pregnant. I went in and did the blood work and I was right I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I was upset over not knowing what to do next. We believed it was a blessing and an answer to our prays that we got into the study as well as someone willing to loan us the money to do the IVF study.
We thought about it for a day wondering what to do. I had a friend said to me “don’t give up, something will work out.” We had one last chance to try again and two more embryos we could use. The person who loaned the money heard what happened and wanted to help us one more time. We then went ahead that month and started all the drugs to get my body ready to do the FET (frozen embryo transfer), which cost $4,200 including medications.
On July 7th we went in for the FET. The transfer went well and I began all the shots again. Again we waited 2 weeks to go in to do the blood work to see if we were pregnant. The longest two weeks of any ones life. To our surprise we were pregnant and my numbers were too high to be just one baby but of course the nurses won’t tell you yes or no that it was twins until you have more blood work and an ultrasound. Between 4 to 5 weeks pregnant, we went in for an ultrasound and saw TWO babies and two little heartbeats. We were so excited that we were pregnant with Twins and blown away that it worked. We now went in weekly for ultrasounds. The babies were getting bigger and continued to hear both heartbeats, however Baby B’s heartbeat was really quiet. At about 8 weeks, on a Sunday, I started to have spotting so they had me go into the doctor’s office. I just thought, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage again. I had one with my first baby so I wasn’t too worried. While at the doctors they did more blood work and an ultrasound. Baby A had a strong heartbeat and we could hear it. With Baby B we could see the heartbeat but we couldn’t hear it so the doctor tried to count the heartbeats. I just thought the doctor was acting kind of weird. They said go home and rest for four days until my next doctor’s appointment. I remember just praying that both babies were okay if not to give me strength and faith to handle whatever is going to happen. We went into the doctors to do our blood work and normal ultrasound. The doctor checked baby A and it still had a strong heartbeat. Then he checked baby B and there was no more heartbeat and it had stopped growing from Sunday’s measurement. Yes, we lost baby B at about 9 weeks along. It was a good thing both babies were in their own sacs so that the loss of baby B wouldn’t hurt Baby A. I continued to spot until about 13 weeks. But had no more bleeding through the pregnancy. We found out at 16 weeks that we were having a baby BOY. We could still see baby B’s sac at this point. We went in for our 20-week appointment and ultrasound. At this time there was no signs of baby B anymore. We did find out at this appointment that I had a low line placenta and I would be more high risk at delivery. The doctor wasn’t worried about it because we were aware of it and we planned for what could happen. We had another ultrasound at 31-weeks to check where the baby was and check my placenta again. Baby was very active, we even saw him eating his hand and yawning for us. Everything looked good and even the placenta had moved up and the doctor wasn’t worried about any problems at delivery.
Then on Feb. 8th everything changed. My husband stayed home sick from work. I had woken up that morning thinking that the baby wasn’t kicking like crazy but continued to feel him move. I went on with my day taking my son to play group, lunch, and going to the store with my sister-in-law. While driving to the store I mentioned to my sister-in-law, that I was trying to get the baby to move. I still kept on thinking about it the whole time at the store and I thought maybe he was sleeping. I dropped my sister-in-law back at her house to finish unpacking because her family had just moved to Texas. I got home and started to drink cold water and orange juice to see if I could get the baby to move or wake him up. Nothing. So my husband threw clothes on and we dropped off my son and my nephew back off at my sister-in-laws house and we went to the hospital.
Got all checked in and then waited like forever for someone to come and check me. We think it was over 30 minutes of sitting there and trying to get him to move and praying that they can do something. Finally a nurse came in and tried to find his heartbeat. They had me moving all around and even getting other nurses to come in a try to find his heartbeat. I just kept on thinking ‘there is no heartbeat please stop.’ One nurse said I needed to get a different Doppler and that is when I turned to my husband and said, “there is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat.” Then the nurse came back and said she called the doctor and ordered an ultrasound. We texted and called family to give them a heads up of what was going on and that the doctors can’t find a heartbeat. We had to wait a few more minutes for the doctor. She got there and did the ultrasound and she said, “Shit there is no heartbeat I am so sorry guys.” Then she explained what would happen next. Told us all of our options.
We had to wait a few hours before we could go into surgery. We called our families to give them an update. But all I wanted to do was see my son and hold him before I went into surgery in case something happened to me. He came in gave me a hug and told me he loved me and then he left. After about 30 to 40 minutes, Wesley got all dressed up in his surgery outfit. Then I had to do the most nerve-racking walk into the Operating Room by myself. Thank goodness for great doctors who held me and talked me through everything. I am super grateful for Wesley being there for me through every minute especially through my panic attack during surgery.
We welcomed Oliver David, sleeping @7:38 pm Feb. 8th, 2017. Our sweet, beautiful 4lbs 14oz baby was perfect. The doctors found a small twist in his umbilical cord right at his navel.
We thought about it for a day wondering what to do. I had a friend said to me “don’t give up, something will work out.” We had one last chance to try again and two more embryos we could use. The person who loaned the money heard what happened and wanted to help us one more time. We then went ahead that month and started all the drugs to get my body ready to do the FET (frozen embryo transfer), which cost $4,200 including medications.
On July 7th we went in for the FET. The transfer went well and I began all the shots again. Again we waited 2 weeks to go in to do the blood work to see if we were pregnant. The longest two weeks of any ones life. To our surprise we were pregnant and my numbers were too high to be just one baby but of course the nurses won’t tell you yes or no that it was twins until you have more blood work and an ultrasound. Between 4 to 5 weeks pregnant, we went in for an ultrasound and saw TWO babies and two little heartbeats. We were so excited that we were pregnant with Twins and blown away that it worked. We now went in weekly for ultrasounds. The babies were getting bigger and continued to hear both heartbeats, however Baby B’s heartbeat was really quiet. At about 8 weeks, on a Sunday, I started to have spotting so they had me go into the doctor’s office. I just thought, I had a subchorionic hemorrhage again. I had one with my first baby so I wasn’t too worried. While at the doctors they did more blood work and an ultrasound. Baby A had a strong heartbeat and we could hear it. With Baby B we could see the heartbeat but we couldn’t hear it so the doctor tried to count the heartbeats. I just thought the doctor was acting kind of weird. They said go home and rest for four days until my next doctor’s appointment. I remember just praying that both babies were okay if not to give me strength and faith to handle whatever is going to happen. We went into the doctors to do our blood work and normal ultrasound. The doctor checked baby A and it still had a strong heartbeat. Then he checked baby B and there was no more heartbeat and it had stopped growing from Sunday’s measurement. Yes, we lost baby B at about 9 weeks along. It was a good thing both babies were in their own sacs so that the loss of baby B wouldn’t hurt Baby A. I continued to spot until about 13 weeks. But had no more bleeding through the pregnancy. We found out at 16 weeks that we were having a baby BOY. We could still see baby B’s sac at this point. We went in for our 20-week appointment and ultrasound. At this time there was no signs of baby B anymore. We did find out at this appointment that I had a low line placenta and I would be more high risk at delivery. The doctor wasn’t worried about it because we were aware of it and we planned for what could happen. We had another ultrasound at 31-weeks to check where the baby was and check my placenta again. Baby was very active, we even saw him eating his hand and yawning for us. Everything looked good and even the placenta had moved up and the doctor wasn’t worried about any problems at delivery.
Then on Feb. 8th everything changed. My husband stayed home sick from work. I had woken up that morning thinking that the baby wasn’t kicking like crazy but continued to feel him move. I went on with my day taking my son to play group, lunch, and going to the store with my sister-in-law. While driving to the store I mentioned to my sister-in-law, that I was trying to get the baby to move. I still kept on thinking about it the whole time at the store and I thought maybe he was sleeping. I dropped my sister-in-law back at her house to finish unpacking because her family had just moved to Texas. I got home and started to drink cold water and orange juice to see if I could get the baby to move or wake him up. Nothing. So my husband threw clothes on and we dropped off my son and my nephew back off at my sister-in-laws house and we went to the hospital.
Got all checked in and then waited like forever for someone to come and check me. We think it was over 30 minutes of sitting there and trying to get him to move and praying that they can do something. Finally a nurse came in and tried to find his heartbeat. They had me moving all around and even getting other nurses to come in a try to find his heartbeat. I just kept on thinking ‘there is no heartbeat please stop.’ One nurse said I needed to get a different Doppler and that is when I turned to my husband and said, “there is no heartbeat, there is no heartbeat.” Then the nurse came back and said she called the doctor and ordered an ultrasound. We texted and called family to give them a heads up of what was going on and that the doctors can’t find a heartbeat. We had to wait a few more minutes for the doctor. She got there and did the ultrasound and she said, “Shit there is no heartbeat I am so sorry guys.” Then she explained what would happen next. Told us all of our options.
We had to wait a few hours before we could go into surgery. We called our families to give them an update. But all I wanted to do was see my son and hold him before I went into surgery in case something happened to me. He came in gave me a hug and told me he loved me and then he left. After about 30 to 40 minutes, Wesley got all dressed up in his surgery outfit. Then I had to do the most nerve-racking walk into the Operating Room by myself. Thank goodness for great doctors who held me and talked me through everything. I am super grateful for Wesley being there for me through every minute especially through my panic attack during surgery.
We welcomed Oliver David, sleeping @7:38 pm Feb. 8th, 2017. Our sweet, beautiful 4lbs 14oz baby was perfect. The doctors found a small twist in his umbilical cord right at his navel.
The next few days that we were able to hold our baby were days that we will never forget. We’re grateful to all the people who were, and still are there for us. We were so grateful for all the family and friends who pulled together and helped us with one of the hardest experiences we’ve had to go through in our lives; and plan a funeral for our son.
Now, It has been a little over a year since we lost Oliver. We can say that we have truly grown so much in the past year. We have found ways to serve others. We have had others serve us in so many different ways too. One thing that someone did for us was get a tree planted and dedicated in honor of Oliver in a park near our home. This has been a great comfort and given us a place to go when we feel sad or are just having a bad day. Samuel refers to the park as Oliver’s park and enjoys making trinkets to leave hanging on his tree.
Over the past year we know Oliver is still around us. Samuel talks about him all the time and we know that he wishes he had a brother or sister to play with. He has now started to ask for a baby sister every night in his prayers and he even asks us why we don’t ask for a baby at our meal time prayers.
These last few months we have been feeling more so like part of our family is missing, but differently than from the loss with Oliver. We’ll always feel like Oliver is missing, but we have felt like we should continue growing our family. Wesley and I have had many discussions about this and wondering what we should do. We have been talking about wanting to buy a home, but we feel our choice is an either/or, but not both. And having children is limited by time. We both feel like we want to do everything we can to be able to have one more baby, we both loved having brothers and sisters and want Samuel to have a sibling. We are going to do whatever it takes to try to do one more IVF. This is a huge leap of faith for us. We are working to take out a loan to be able to move forward with everything. We are praying that we will figure everything out by the end of the summer and hope to be pregnant by the fall, but know that might be too ambitious from past experience. We are praying each day for the strength and faith that the Lord will provide a way for us if we do our part.
It’s hard not to feel like Baby Oliver was our last chance, we had worked so hard to have him and thought to ourselves once we have Oliver we would be okay with two kids. When we lost him we were lost because we weren’t sure how we would do everything all over again. We had used all of our savings for all of our fertility treatments and now a funeral. We know that in order to do IVF again, we will need to find grants and loans to raise about $20,000. As I am 33 years old and suffer from endometriosis, my doctors recommend trying IVF again as soon as possible, for the best chance of a positive outcome.
Life is precious. Bringing a child to a home where he/she is loved & cared for is one of our greatest desires. We know this journey may not end as we want it to, but we are willing to put our faith in the process and try again. Wesley and I are united together in taking this journey together one more time. I truly just want to hold my baby one more time. I would give anything to be able to hold my baby in my arms. I know deep in my heart that we will be able to get that chance one more time. I know that this journey will be the hardest one we will take but I know I will not be alone and that the Lord will be walking with me through every moment of every step. I now pray for you to know how important this is to us and how grateful we are for everyone's love and support.
We have met with the fertility doctor and we can start all the testing soon; I also have an appointment setup with our OB to do a small surgery to check everything prior to beginning the process.
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